Sex Before Marriage.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

We have quite a few religious people on here, so what are your thoughts about sex before marriage? Why can't people wait? What are the consequences?

[darthrevan]

Well, if it says not to in the Bible, I don't think there is a choice. I think people shouldn't do it.

What gets me annoyed is when people say "Oh, but we love each other." Then the next day they break up.

1 Thessalonians 4
³It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; ⁴that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, ⁵not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; ⁶and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. ⁷For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. ⁸Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

So is there an actual reason why we shouldn't in terms of practical application? Do you feel waiting makes a difference while on earth?

[Dja Majista]

yes, it does make a difference. Sex has gradually come a much more casual part of our society today. While in a sense it's a good thing (people don't feel restricted from talking about things they need to talk about), it's also a bad thing because people have become numb to what sex really is. During intercourse, there is an intimacy that the two people share that makes an extreme sense of familiarity with eachother. So when they part ways they leave with that sense, even if the two were total strangers... But this level of familiarity is sacred. Marriage is sort of the seal that keeps this oneness intact. That's why marriage must be fueled by love so that partners don't "run around".

But I think most of the reasoning is something that only God understands. Which is why Christians don't do it (or shouldn't). But if you think about it, God's perspective would look something like this. Seeing God as a father, think of it this way: If a man has intercourse with a woman and leaves her, don't you think the woman's father would be just a little angry. That's one reason it's important that marriage is present first so that the bond remains gaurded.

Also understand that back then marriage was much more final; they didn't have divorce. And that's one reason why we don't see the level of sacredness which it was intended to have.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

There are some good points, but there are many factors to take into account.

yes, it does make a difference. Sex has gradually come a much more casual part of our society today. While in a sense it's a good thing (people don't feel restricted from talking about things they need to talk about), it's also a bad thing because people have become numb to what sex really is.

Sex becoming a much more free part of are culture isn’t a bad thing in the least, hypocritical Christians can frown on it all they want, but they need to stop watching violence and shows off of youtube (since they are pirated). People don’t become numb to what sex is because it is discussed more open, people become numb to what it is because they are misguided and uneducated. People don’t wait until they love, they wait until they lust, and they don’t appreciate the person at all. While I say waiting until you feel you can appreciate the person is important, and marriage makes a difference in minor ways (which I’ll discuss), I definitely don’t say marriage alone makes your sex life good, because those who think that are horribly misguided indeed. Married people are faced with much higher prices in some aspects than those who aren’t married are, it doesn’t make sense for most people to commit to each other simply to have sex (which has nothing to do with not loving each other, but they don’t want to make that big of a change and are comfortable where they are).

During intercourse, there is an intimacy that the two people share that makes an extreme sense of familiarity with eachother.

That is affected more on the sex of the person, men feel less of a natural attachment than women do.

That also depends on the person, sex only serves to intensify the feelings that people have if they have them, not to make some there that aren’t present. Two people who have a drunken one night stand won’t most likely think about each other when spring break ends, and like you said if they are numb to it they are numb to the level of sensitivity and possessiveness afterwards. Sex affects more of what happens after it, than what happens during it.

So when they part ways they leave with that sense, even if the two were total strangers... But this level of familiarity is sacred.

The familiarity is sacred but they definitely don’t feel it when they part, on a first time it’s most intense, but after that it’s less of a big deal, no different than love.

Marriage is sort of the seal that keeps this oneness intact. That's why marriage must be fueled by love so that partners don't "run around".

Which is part of the higher price ones married must pay, but in turn it brings a level of appreciation as well (if accomplished), most couples that are married often become bored in fact. Most married couples (way over 50%) complain that sex feels like a chore and lacks the intimacy, while unmarried couples are having more fun, why is this?

But I think most of the reasoning is something that only God understands. Which is why Christians don't do it (or shouldn't).

I think God has more understanding and wanted us to share the greatest pleasure with our lifetime partner. I think Christians who wait just do it because the Bible says so for the most part, ask a Christian why most of the time and you get scripture and not practical knowledge. You can’t blame a virgin though for not knowing, but they should at least be grounded.

But if you think about it, God's perspective would look something like this. Seeing God as a father, think of it this way: If a man has intercourse with a woman and leaves her, don't you think the woman's father would be just a little angry.

That depends on what the two people were expecting in the first place. At your age the father would most likely be, but the pleasure of having sex with women (like you said), and not girls is that you don’t have to worry about what her father thinks. ;D

That's one reason it's important that marriage is present first so that the bond remains gaurded.

The bond remains guarded by conscious effort on both sides and not what a piece of paper says. Marriage offers benefits because you know you are right and you haven’t done anything wrong in social standards. But most of the benefit comes from the fact that you * waited* rather than the fact you are married. It’s saying I saved myself for you, and that itself is the extra appreciation.

Also understand that back then marriage was much more final; they didn't have divorce. And that's one reason why we don't see the level of sacredness which it was intended to have.

Which is why it was more of a chore back then than it is now, women didn’t have a say or anything, it was forced and it stayed. Prostitution was also at a much higher rate because it was a sacred job back then for men to relieve themselves. Being tied to someone does not equal enlightenment or sacredness trust me, the sacredness comes from realizing that the other person isn’t a parking space and that they enjoy sharing themselves with you because they choose too,, and vice versa. Along with the other aspects mentioned.

Keep in mind I’m not saying marriage doesn't make a difference, but it isn’t the end all and be all of sex, not by a long shot.

[jubilee]

omg you guys.. IM sorry but we should live our live how we see fit to do so. And not how some book tells us to.

[imperium]

Well i am christian, it deos state in the bible that we should wait, but sex has become a more casual thing an activity, some people don't care what the bible says or can't control themselves i can't say why, am i also not sayinh how other poeple should live thier lives.

[jubilee]

Im a catholic and yes sex should never been done before marriage but sometimes you dont have a choice

[imperium]

#pumpfist#

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

omg you guys.. IM sorry but we should live our live how we see fit to do so. And not how some book tells us to.

While I don’t agree on just blindly following everything you read without life reason, I don’t believe we should ignore the bible as well. If everyone lived their lives the way the saw fit to do so, the world would be a very chaotic place. In fact most of the laws of the world originated from the bibles anyway. Now I believe that marriage is a difference, but I wanted to know what. I also know in Europe that sex isn’t a big deal there and people have it left and right casually. So it is also reliant on culture. Why we you aren’t as conservative as us, I don’t find myself to be scared of sex or sexual expression as a Christian, I think waiting does make a difference, but a lot of it comes from the work itself.

Im a catholic and yes sex should never been done before marriage but sometimes you dont have a choice

So why make it seem like the rules are entirely pointless? I hate when a lot of Catholics however frown upon using condoms and whatnot, but are fornicating in the first place, my logic is if you’re going to do something do it safe, but that goes with territory again because a lot of European women love unprotected sex. And you ALWAYS have a choice, to say you don’t is to say you don’t have control in yourself. But I at least feel it would be wiser to love the person if anything.

[jubilee]

You dont always have a choice.

I was 6 and was sexualy abused till i was 12. Then when i was older i got raped. So no you dont always have a choice. I didnt set out to have sex before marriage but that choice was taken away from me.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

Obviously those are exceptions, and aren't what I mean, I'm talking about saving what you can for the person that is special...

[jubilee]

well he was special until i got pregnant.. now im wiser

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

jubilee said:

well he was special until i got pregnant.. now im wiser

Well it takes alot more holding back and sacredness that one often doesn't see at one age. If a guy really loves a girl they will respect that no matter what waiting until a girl is ready is a big part of a relationship. Sex makes a big difference in a girl's behavior, not that I would know since I'm a virgin.

[tshern]

I just have to throw my two cents in. There has to be an advocate for the Devil too, don't you think?

I'll say it already in the beginning that I have nothing against pre-marital sex. Now it is easier for me to go and answer to some arguments given here and try to defend my opinion. We'll see how it all turns out.

First off, all people are not willing to get married at all. These people therefore don't have the right to enjoy sex simply because an old book says so? This sounds like a definite form of discrimination to me. I am against following any dogmas without a large grain of salt and this is one of the dogmas. Well, if someone wants to follow this path, it is of course a matter of opinion and choice.

Secondly, if people are willing to have sex with anything that moves and thus the intercourse lacks the certain emotional feeling, it is their problem. In my opinion everyone has the right to choose whether or not to have sex. I personally have had sex before marriage (not that I was married even now) and I have not even considered stopping it. I don't like one night stands, but waiting until the wedding night might push people to make the decision of marriage partially because they want to have sex. No one likes high divorce rates...

For many (I included) sex is a method of sharing love and passion between two people who have vast feelings towards each other. Though I have done for lesser reasons too, I don't think it has caused me to actually forgot the meaning I consider to be the best reason for having sex (apart from breeding), sharing passion. Taking away this method of showing and expressing feelings would take away a complete level of intimacy.

Yeah, everyone makes their own choices and I don't have any quarrel with anyone who waits until the marriage, but I don't think there is a logical reason for that.

[adultswimguy]

its like being kinda of wrong

[tshern]

I'm sorry to say this, but I didn't quite get your point...

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

tshern said:

I just have to throw my two cents in. There has to be an advocate for the Devil too, don't you think?

I guess so huh?

tshern said:

I'll say it already in the beginning that I have nothing against pre-marital sex. Now it is easier for me to go and answer to some arguments given here and try to defend my opinion. We'll see how it all turns out.

We shall see.

tshern said:

First off, all people are not willing to get married at all. These people therefore don't have the right to enjoy sex simply because an old book says so? This sounds like a definite form of discrimination to me. I am against following any dogmas without a large grain of salt and this is one of the dogmas. Well, if someone wants to follow this path, it is of course a matter of opinion and choice.

I can see what you are saying. It simply seems too unrealistic for all of these couples to sit around and not have sex, because of an old tradition. Most of the people in the world were born out of wedlock, imagine what it would be like if everyone waited? I know I wouldn't exist right now.

But at the same time if we are going to have sex early, it destroys one of the sacred things in a marriage. So why get married if your relationship won't change, do you know what I mean? I myself if I know the relationship won't get to marriage, I don't see the point of pursuing it.

tshern said:

Secondly, if people are willing to have sex with anything that moves and thus the intercourse lacks the certain emotional feeling, it is their problem. In my opinion everyone has the right to choose whether or not to have sex. I personally have had sex before marriage (not that I was married even now) and I have not even considered stopping it. I don't like one night stands, but waiting until the wedding night might push people to make the decision of marriage partially because they want to have sex. No one likes high divorce rates...

Well people who don't have sex until marriage tend to marry younger. Which would make sense because the other people are still calming down. Divorces are more of a thing of indifference than hate, because there is a *thin* and I mean thin line between the two, but that's getting off topic a bit.

tshern said:

For many (I included) sex is a method of sharing love and passion between two people who have vast feelings towards each other. Though I have done for lesser reasons too, I don't think it has caused me to actually forgot the meaning I consider to be the best reason for having sex (apart from breeding), sharing passion. Taking away this method of showing and expressing feelings would take away a complete level of intimacy.

Well passion is simply intense desire, it isn't necessarily the wholesomeness of love, but it is a great part of emotion.

tshern said:

Yeah, everyone makes their own choices and I don't have any quarrel with anyone who waits until the marriage, but I don't think there is a logical reason for that.

So ultimately you stand on the "I don't think we should get married" side then?

[kuwabara]

I enjoy sex and I have no problems about doing so before marriage. also were does it say in the bible that you can not have sex before marriage? do you are really think god will smite you for it?

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

kuwabara said:

I enjoy sex and I have no problems about doing so before marriage. also were does it say in the bible that you can not have sex before marriage? do you are really think god will smite you for it?

It was mentioned earlier in this thread. Just because you go against the bible doesn't mean an anvil is going to come down and crush your head (beautiful imagery though), but it makes a difference in several outcomes in your life as well. There were some good points made on this thread.

[kuwabara]

admin said:

kuwabara said:

I enjoy sex and I have no problems about doing so before marriage. also were does it say in the bible that you can not have sex before marriage? do you are really think god will smite you for it?

It was mentioned earlier in this thread. Just because you go against the bible doesn't mean an anvil is going to come down and crush your head (beautiful imagery though), but it makes a difference in several outcomes in your life as well. There were some good points made on this thread.

I am not really over worried. Sex is fun and can bring happiness to people. I think good would be happy that we people enjoy some thing that makes them happy. also have you had sex c-master?

[EsteemedLeader©]

I think the problem here is that we are working on the pretext that sex is something sacred.

Now call me crazy, but I'm just not seeing it. I can't thing of one good reason why that would be.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

esteemedleader said:

I think the problem here is that we are working on the pretext that sex is something sacred.

Now call me crazy, but I'm just not seeing it. I can't thing of one good reason why that would be.

I thought I had covered this. When you start to have sex or when you do with a person the sensitivity and possessiveness between them two increases. Most relationships that aren't headed to marriage without sex are just deep friendships, sex increases that sensitivity and brings it to another level. Which is why when some girl is possessive over a guy, the friends will often ask, "Did you sleep with her?"

[Psyquis52]

Take it from a man that is madly in love with his wife.

Sex is a sacred thing. One that I should have taken more seriously and I regret that decision very often.
It's a lasting regret that won't go away.

Not many people understand what I mean by that. Marriage is too temporary now. People feel like divorce is an option. I'm not saying it should be but it's the wrong idea to go into a marriage with that in mind.

Unfortunately that's exactly what having sex before marriage prepares you for...divorce. If you want a lasting marriage that means something and will support you for all your days then don't be a fool and be responsible. I figured it out too late, but my life was salvagable. If you don't believe me then check your local libraries collection of statistics on this particular bit of info. You'd be shocked by the results.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

psyquis52 said:

Take it from a man that is madly in love with his wife.

Sex is a sacred thing. One that I should have taken more seriously and I regret that decision very often.
It's a lasting regret that won't go away.

Not many people understand what I mean by that. Marriage is too temporary now. People feel like divorce is an option. I'm not saying it should be but it's the wrong idea to go into a marriage with that in mind.

Unfortunately that's exactly what having sex before marriage prepares you for...divorce. If you want a lasting marriage that means something and will support you for all your days then don't be a fool and be responsible. I figured it out too late, but my life was salvagable. If you don't believe me then check your local libraries collection of statistics on this particular bit of info. You'd be shocked by the results.

That is a good post. Very deep, when you go with that in mind you want your marriage sacred. But most just have that doubt. You MAKE a marriage work. You don't run out. Those who usually have sex before intentionally just think of the present, marriage is an investment.

[Psyquis52]

Good follow up post. You make the point solid.

That's right. Today I gave my wife a white teddy bear and a single red rose. When I picked her up from work I put the two on the front of my car so they were just sitting there waiting for her with a note.
I wasn't making up for anything I did wrong. I didn't have any ulterior motives. I just wanted to make her happy. She had no idea I was doing it.

You have to think outside the box. Do the unexpected and prove to your spouse that you lover him/her everyday, because it's important to you.
It's work like that and even simple work that counts. What I did was special but when I got home I walked the dogs and cleaned the bathrooms.

Which do you think meant more to her?

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

psyquis52 said:

Good follow up post. You make the point solid.

That's right. Today I gave my wife a white teddy bear and a single red rose. When I picked her up from work I put the two on the front of my car so they were just sitting there waiting for her with a note.
I wasn't making up for anything I did wrong. I didn't have any ulterior motives. I just wanted to make her happy. She had no idea I was doing it.

You have to think outside the box. Do the unexpected and prove to your spouse that you lover him/her everyday, because it's important to you.
It's work like that and even simple work that counts. What I did was special but when I got home I walked the dogs and cleaned the bathrooms.

Which do you think meant more to her?

I'd say the second. That's the point in a sense of us having free will, it's nice to have those gifts that make us feel good, but doing the simple things that shows she has a reliable husband makes her happier longer and in the end.

This is what bothers me with Christmas, you're only supposed to be good to people and your family at this time of the year? The simple, everyday things matter more to me, trust me. This is also why people have so many problems with their marriage. They want go be good every once and awhile, but it's quality and quantity.

[Psyquis52]

Well, that pretty much sums it up for me.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

psyquis52 said:

Well, that pretty much sums it up for me.

We should have teamed up for a tourney or something.

[Psyquis52]

That's totally unfair.