Post by Dreampanther on Dec 8, 2006 7:41:50 GMT -5
Here is a character I created a while ago: Dangerous Dave. He is loosely based on a friend of mine, and his adventures are (so far) inspired by the adventures we had by getting into trouble together. So far I've written three short stories about him. Basically these are character sketches, I'm trying to get to know the character well enough to write a novel or even a few about his adventures. I am trying to use a Leslie Charteris type of style, as I used to love The Saint books while I was growing up - nice action, cool characters, some social commentary and a lot of humour.
Anyway, here's the First Adventure of Dangerous Dave:
Copyright by Leon Niemandt
4 November 2004
niemandt@hotmail.com
The Adventures of Dangerous Dave: The adventure with the police
I have a friend with the name Dangerous Dave and he is a legend in his own mind. He has brilliant blue eyes, a strong manly chin and dimples that appear when he smiles. When he walks into a room, guys instinctively draw their girlfriends closer, trying to hide them from his view. Dangerous Dave always sees this. He sees everything, especially when it involves a skirt and a nice pair of legs.
Dangerous Dave has broad shoulders, a chiseled abdomen and a swagger when he walks. His favourite hangouts are the dodgiest, meanest pubs and clubs in this city we call Pisstown, and his friends all smoke weed, take pills, drink too much and then usually get into a fight. Frequently about a skirt and a nice pair of legs.
He has been arrested so many times that it is not unusual anymore to get a call in the middle of the night, and hear him ask for a clean shirt, a pack of cigarettes and a box of Kentucky, to be delivered to the police station that has the dubious honour of hosting him for the evening. When you get there, you will find him sitting in a cell, glaring through the bars at his hosts, sporting bloody noses, black eyes and aching heads, their pride and uniforms equally ruffled.
Go back the next day and he will still be there, still surrounded by them, but this time they will be holding their stomachs and gasping for breath, trying to recover from the latest dirty joke or story he has been telling. I remember one time he got arrested for being mugged. Now a lot of people will say this is impossible.
Arrested for being mugged?
That just goes to show, you don’t know Dangerous Dave.
It was late at night, or rather, early in the morning. He had been out in Scummyside, as we like to call it, and since it was a weekday and he had to work the next morning, he was being a good boy and heading home while it was still dark. He was walking home, as the previous week in an attempt to impress a girl with his car’s amazing amphibian abilities he had attempted to drive his car into the canals criss-crossing Pretoria, with the result that the car got stuck at a 45 degree angle with its nose in the canal and the rear sticking out as a beacon for the towing trucks.
Paying for the towing took nearly all the money he had, leaving little for fixing the car, the result being the aforementioned him walking home on a beautiful morning after another successful night out on the town.
As he passed the Sunnyside police station, to his great surprise, a swarm of little kids came scurrying out from behind a nearby building and assaulted him. This was so nearly unbelievable that it took a moment for him to react, by which time it was too late. They had by some magical dexterity already relieved him of his wallet and were off down the street, running as if the devil was on their tails. He was, but only for a moment. Broad shoulders and a sixpack was fine and well, but smoking nearly two packs of cigarettes and trying to finish a bottle of tequila was not conducive to strenuous exercise early in the morning, unless it involved, you guessed it, a skirt and a nice pair of legs.
For a few seconds Dangerous Dave gave chase, but it was difficult enough putting one foot in front of another when you could deliberate and take your time. It took a lot of concentration trying to follow a white line when it refused to stay still and had the unsettling habit of splitting into twins and triplets. Running was obviously out of the question.
“Hey!” he shouted. “Come back here!”
This did not seem to have the desired effect.
“You get back here right now or so help me God, I’m going to kill you all!” he thundered.
Strangely enough, this did not seem to have the desired effect either. If anything, they ran a little bit faster.
Furious, Dangerous Dave looked around. Opposite the street, in blissful, peaceful slumber, a light winked at him.
SUNNYSIDE POLICE STATION, it stated, proudly.
“Help me, dammit! Somebody help me!” Dangerous Dave commanded the infuriating light. No response. Dead quiet. By now incensed beyond the point of all reason, Dangerous Dave decided there was only one thing to do.
So he picked up a rock and threw it at the malevolent light. The light exploded in a satisfying display of fireworks and lo and behold, finally, a number of officers appeared as if sent by heaven, running as fast as they could towards Dangerous Dave.
“Thank God! There they go, officers, go get them!” Dangerous Dave yelled, pointing at the fleeing miniscule muggers disappearing down the streets. Then he said “Oomph.”
The reason he said oomph was that he had been tackled by the boys in blue in a concerted effort that would have done a Springbok rugby coach proud. Going down in a flail of knees, fists and elbows in the second unprovoked assault of the evening, Dangerous Dave’s fighting spirit came into play. After all, he had been looking for something to fight and here it was, handed to him on a platter.
The long and the short of it is, at four o’clock that morning my phone started to ring. No Kentucky being open, I showed up at the police station a bit later with a just the T-shirt and a pack of cigarettes, still wiping the sleep from my eyes.
For a moment I could only stare. Thinking I was still asleep and dreaming, I blinked, pinched myself and looked again.
In the office, Dave was floating horizontally, holding on to a phone and screaming dementedly at the receiver. Four policemen were holding on to his ankles, pulling with all their might, while another was trying to wrestle the phone out of his hands. In this amazing struggle, Dangerous Dave was so determined not to let go of the phone, that the result was a tug-of-war, with Dangerous Dave playing the part of the rope.
“Mom!” Dave was screaming. “Mom, these cops are assholes!”
The next moment Dave saw me and let go of the phone. Newton’s law of every action having an equal but opposite reaction holding true even in this Twilight Zone I had stumbled onto, he and the four policemen collapsed into a heap in the far corner of the room.
Needless to say, the next few minutes were slightly painful to watch and more than a bit chaotic. Finally order was restored and I was allowed to talk to Dave. Through the bars, of course, since he was now firmly locked up.
I finally managed to cool him down, but the cops were another story. Filled with righteous indignation, they had decided that Dangerous Dave would have to spend the night with them, to teach him a lesson. Wisely, I kept my mouth shut.
In the end, it turned out all right, actually. Dangerous Dave, once he had caught up on some sleep, unleashed his devastating charm and by the time I came back to pick him up the next day, he was on the best terms with the men in the police station. One of the female officers had even brought him some coffee. Need I say that she was wearing a skirt and had a nice pair of legs?
If only they knew how soon they would be seeing him again…
The following weekend Dangerous Dave invited me to come by his place and help him work on his car.
“And if you happen to pass by a dop-shop, pick us up a couple of six-packs as well,” he added, before he rang off.
Sighing, I put down the book I was reading and got up to get Dangerous Dave’s fix for the morning. I had been enjoying my book, and I knew that I wouldn’t be seeing it again for a while.
Brightening, I hurried outside. It was always worth it.
At the time, Dangerous Dave was living in a huge, neglected mansion on Muckleneuk Hill. It had a beautiful view over Pretoria and we had spent many an evening on the porch, getting trashed and solving the world’s problems. One of the main attractions was the Vodacom Tower built right next to the house, enabling Dangerous Dave to find his way home unerringly, no matter how drunk.
I had to laugh when I got to his house. Dangerous Dave had obviously gotten bored waiting for me to arrive and had decided to do something about it.
The horribly blue Ford Anglia he had partially submerged in the canals the week before was standing on the front lawn, with all the windows and doors tightly shut, and smoke seeping out of little cracks and holes in the body.
I knew it was nothing to panic about, since Dangerous Dave was sitting in the front seat with a huge grin on his face. The rest of his body was invisible, obscured by smoke swirling about him. He was waving happily at me, gesturing for me to come and join him in the car. Even at that distance, I could smell the distinctively sweet aroma of high-grade Swazi Seedless. One of Dangerous Dave’s Rastafarian connections must have left him a little present, which he was thoroughly enjoying.
I doubted we would get much work done on the car that day.
However, I still had to study for a test early the next week, not to mention assignments that were long overdue, so regretfully I had to decline. I opened one of the beers and made myself comfortable beneath one of the trees, waiting for him to finish.
“Hey,” a voice said to me, suddenly. I looked around and there were Janelle and Yolandi, studying me curiously.
“Aren’t you going to join us?”
“No, I still have to go and study.”
“Okay, well, see you later,” they giggled.
Grabbing one of the six-packs, they disappeared into the car.
“Don’t let the smoke out!” Dangerous Dave yelled, anxiously, before the door slammed shut again.
About half an hour later they finally re-emerged. By now totally stoned, none of the three could stop giggling. It was so unfair.
Trust Dangerous Dave to end up with two gorgeous lesbians sharing a house with him.
“Did you check my T-shirt?” Dangerous Dave asked.
I AM A LESBIAN, TRAPPED IN A MAN’S BODY, it stated proudly.
Grinning, he grabbed a beer and opened it with his teeth.
“Listen, are you busy tonight?”
“No, I have to study, but I can always do that tomorrow. Why?”
“ I am going to set a trap tonight. Yolandi and Janelle think somebody is watching them undress at night, and I want to catch the bastard. You up for it?”
Studying Yolandi and Janelle, I couldn’t really blame the bastard, whoever he was. Yolandi was short, blond and curvaceous, while Janelle was tall, dark and smouldering. Hell, I wouldn’t mind watching them undress, either.
“Alright, so what do you want me to do?”
“You have to hang out in my room and make a lot of noise, pretend like we’re both there, while I go hide in their room and wait for the sonovabitch. Cool?”
Why couldn’t I go hide in their room? But I knew there was no use asking.
“Sure,” I said, resigned.
So that night I was in Dangerous Dave’s room, talking to myself like a madman, with The Rolling Stones singing “Hey, hey, you, you, get offa my cloud!” and the tv showing some documentary about mating preying mantises. Meanwhile, the giggles from next door continued uninterrupted. Bastard.
And I didn’t mean the peeping tom.
The next moment, screams and yells came from the girls’ room, followed by the sound of a door slamming open and footsteps pounding down the hall. I rushed to the door and opened it, running outside just in time to collide with Yolandi. Struggling to maintain our balance, we clutched each other wildly. A second later, Janelle smashed into us and we all tumbled to the floor.
I would normally have enjoyed the moment, having had quite a few fantasies about the three of us rolling around like this, but somebody’s knee had connected quite unerringly with my groin and all I could do was clutch myself and whimper softly.
“Are you okay?” Yolandi asked, bending over me with concern on her face.
“I’m fine,” I groaned, feeling like I was going to be sick at any moment.
“Come on!” Janelle shouted, grabbing Yolandi and dragging her to the front door.
I managed to stagger to my feet and follow them, in a haze of nausea and agony.
When I got the porch, all I could see was chaos.
Dangerous Dave had pinned somebody to the ground and was beating the shit out of him, with Janelle jumping up and down, cheering him on and Yolandi trying to pull him off.
Finally, I managed to overcome my pain and stumble down the stairs to help Yolandi pull the still wildly cursing Dangerous Dave off his hapless victim.
“Dave! Dave! Let him go, leave him alone,” I ordered, managing to pull him loose with a superhuman effort. For a moment I thought I was going to be his next victim, but slowly the crazed look left his face and he calmed down.
While he stood there, trying to catch his breath, I bent over the softly moaning figure. It was Todd, the lodger from downstairs.
“What the hell happened?” I asked, straightening up and turning around to face the excited trio of lesbians, two real and one aspiring (and perspiring).
“That was the asshole that was watching us, dammit,” Janelle snapped, furiously glaring at the barely conscious Todd.
“How do you know?” I asked, bewildered.
“Because he was watching us through the cracks in the floor and we caught him!”
“Huh?” Was all I could manage, by now totally confused.
“Let’s go and look,” Yolandi said, turning around to enter Todd’s room.
Todd, as I said, was renting the room downstairs. The house was built on two levels, with stairs going up the entrance to the front door, where Dangerous Dave’s and the girls’ rooms were. Just around the corner from the stairs was Todd’s room, on the ground level.
We entered Todd’s room and stopped, gaping incredulously. In the one wall a hole had been broken through the bricks, exposing an open area just beyond. In the open area a chair was placed, next to a table with a box of tissues and a flashlight upon it.
“See,” Janelle said, turning around to face me. “He was watching us through the floor. We finally caught on when we switched off the light and we saw light coming through the floorboards in our room!”
I had to admit, the evidence was indisputable.
“I need a drink,” Dangerous Dave said, walking out through the door.
I did too. We all did.
Todd still hadn’t moved, so we ignored him and went upstairs. We were still sitting there a few minutes later, drinking beer and animatedly discussing the adventure, when the “Pee-po, pee-po” of approaching sirens alerted us to the fact that our adventure was far from over.
“Did one of you phone the police?” Dangerous Dave enquired, looking at us. We all shrugged with blank expressions on our faces.
As we stood up to go outside, Todd appeared in the doorway, blood still streaming from his broken nose and with one eye nearly swollen shut.
“That’s him, officer!” He pointed wildly at Dangerous Dave. “That’s the animal that attacked me!”
My heart sank into my shoes when I saw that the policeman was one of the officers that had been in the fracas with Dangerous Dave earlier in the week. We all started to talk animatedly together, trying to explain that Dangerous Dave had done nothing wrong, but to no avail.
Before we could blink, Dangerous Dave had been bundled into the back of the police van and whisked off to spend another night in the cell. Todd accompanied them to make a statement. Fortunately for him he didn’t have to join Dangerous Dave in the back of the van, because I don’t think he would have come out of there alive. From the look on Dangerous Dave’s face, even a black mamba would have been better off if it kept its distance.
Hours later, we finally went to bed. Me to Dangerous Dave’s and the girls to theirs. Yeah, life sucks. We were awoken by a commotion in the early morning hours and rushed outside to see what was happening.
A sense of déjà vu overcame me when I saw Dangerous Dave outside, bent over the sobbing Todd, with Todd’s hair clutched in his one fist and his face so close to Todd’s that their noses nearly touched.
“You ever, ever call the cops on me again and I will put you in the hospital,” Dangerous Dave hissed, sparks shooting from his narrowed eyes.
I couldn’t shake off a sense of unreality. Was this really happening? Again?
With a shove, Dangerous Dave let go of Todd’s hair. Todd’s head hit the ground with an audible thump. He didn’t move, though. Just lay there, sniveling, holding his arms over his head.
Dangerous Dave looked up at us, a grin spreading slowly on his face. Then he held open his arms and Janelle and Yolandi ran down the stairs, squealing, to throw themselves into his arms.
That was when I finally realized that Dangerous Dave was not quite like the rest of us. There was something inside him, something indomitable, something primitive that the rest of us had learned to suppress in order to live in a civilized society.
While the rest of us stopped to think about the consequences, Dangerous Dave just acted on his instincts. Fortunately for me, he is my friend.
More that that, he is my hero.
PS:
I hope you liked it! All constructive criticism will be welcomed.
My apologies for the paragraph spacing, something went awry when I copied the story over. I fixed it a little bit, but it's still a bit wonky. If it bothers somebody, lemme know, and I can mail you the original Word document. Cheers!
Anyway, here's the First Adventure of Dangerous Dave:
Copyright by Leon Niemandt
4 November 2004
niemandt@hotmail.com
The Adventures of Dangerous Dave: The adventure with the police
I have a friend with the name Dangerous Dave and he is a legend in his own mind. He has brilliant blue eyes, a strong manly chin and dimples that appear when he smiles. When he walks into a room, guys instinctively draw their girlfriends closer, trying to hide them from his view. Dangerous Dave always sees this. He sees everything, especially when it involves a skirt and a nice pair of legs.
Dangerous Dave has broad shoulders, a chiseled abdomen and a swagger when he walks. His favourite hangouts are the dodgiest, meanest pubs and clubs in this city we call Pisstown, and his friends all smoke weed, take pills, drink too much and then usually get into a fight. Frequently about a skirt and a nice pair of legs.
He has been arrested so many times that it is not unusual anymore to get a call in the middle of the night, and hear him ask for a clean shirt, a pack of cigarettes and a box of Kentucky, to be delivered to the police station that has the dubious honour of hosting him for the evening. When you get there, you will find him sitting in a cell, glaring through the bars at his hosts, sporting bloody noses, black eyes and aching heads, their pride and uniforms equally ruffled.
Go back the next day and he will still be there, still surrounded by them, but this time they will be holding their stomachs and gasping for breath, trying to recover from the latest dirty joke or story he has been telling. I remember one time he got arrested for being mugged. Now a lot of people will say this is impossible.
Arrested for being mugged?
That just goes to show, you don’t know Dangerous Dave.
It was late at night, or rather, early in the morning. He had been out in Scummyside, as we like to call it, and since it was a weekday and he had to work the next morning, he was being a good boy and heading home while it was still dark. He was walking home, as the previous week in an attempt to impress a girl with his car’s amazing amphibian abilities he had attempted to drive his car into the canals criss-crossing Pretoria, with the result that the car got stuck at a 45 degree angle with its nose in the canal and the rear sticking out as a beacon for the towing trucks.
Paying for the towing took nearly all the money he had, leaving little for fixing the car, the result being the aforementioned him walking home on a beautiful morning after another successful night out on the town.
As he passed the Sunnyside police station, to his great surprise, a swarm of little kids came scurrying out from behind a nearby building and assaulted him. This was so nearly unbelievable that it took a moment for him to react, by which time it was too late. They had by some magical dexterity already relieved him of his wallet and were off down the street, running as if the devil was on their tails. He was, but only for a moment. Broad shoulders and a sixpack was fine and well, but smoking nearly two packs of cigarettes and trying to finish a bottle of tequila was not conducive to strenuous exercise early in the morning, unless it involved, you guessed it, a skirt and a nice pair of legs.
For a few seconds Dangerous Dave gave chase, but it was difficult enough putting one foot in front of another when you could deliberate and take your time. It took a lot of concentration trying to follow a white line when it refused to stay still and had the unsettling habit of splitting into twins and triplets. Running was obviously out of the question.
“Hey!” he shouted. “Come back here!”
This did not seem to have the desired effect.
“You get back here right now or so help me God, I’m going to kill you all!” he thundered.
Strangely enough, this did not seem to have the desired effect either. If anything, they ran a little bit faster.
Furious, Dangerous Dave looked around. Opposite the street, in blissful, peaceful slumber, a light winked at him.
SUNNYSIDE POLICE STATION, it stated, proudly.
“Help me, dammit! Somebody help me!” Dangerous Dave commanded the infuriating light. No response. Dead quiet. By now incensed beyond the point of all reason, Dangerous Dave decided there was only one thing to do.
So he picked up a rock and threw it at the malevolent light. The light exploded in a satisfying display of fireworks and lo and behold, finally, a number of officers appeared as if sent by heaven, running as fast as they could towards Dangerous Dave.
“Thank God! There they go, officers, go get them!” Dangerous Dave yelled, pointing at the fleeing miniscule muggers disappearing down the streets. Then he said “Oomph.”
The reason he said oomph was that he had been tackled by the boys in blue in a concerted effort that would have done a Springbok rugby coach proud. Going down in a flail of knees, fists and elbows in the second unprovoked assault of the evening, Dangerous Dave’s fighting spirit came into play. After all, he had been looking for something to fight and here it was, handed to him on a platter.
The long and the short of it is, at four o’clock that morning my phone started to ring. No Kentucky being open, I showed up at the police station a bit later with a just the T-shirt and a pack of cigarettes, still wiping the sleep from my eyes.
For a moment I could only stare. Thinking I was still asleep and dreaming, I blinked, pinched myself and looked again.
In the office, Dave was floating horizontally, holding on to a phone and screaming dementedly at the receiver. Four policemen were holding on to his ankles, pulling with all their might, while another was trying to wrestle the phone out of his hands. In this amazing struggle, Dangerous Dave was so determined not to let go of the phone, that the result was a tug-of-war, with Dangerous Dave playing the part of the rope.
“Mom!” Dave was screaming. “Mom, these cops are assholes!”
The next moment Dave saw me and let go of the phone. Newton’s law of every action having an equal but opposite reaction holding true even in this Twilight Zone I had stumbled onto, he and the four policemen collapsed into a heap in the far corner of the room.
Needless to say, the next few minutes were slightly painful to watch and more than a bit chaotic. Finally order was restored and I was allowed to talk to Dave. Through the bars, of course, since he was now firmly locked up.
I finally managed to cool him down, but the cops were another story. Filled with righteous indignation, they had decided that Dangerous Dave would have to spend the night with them, to teach him a lesson. Wisely, I kept my mouth shut.
In the end, it turned out all right, actually. Dangerous Dave, once he had caught up on some sleep, unleashed his devastating charm and by the time I came back to pick him up the next day, he was on the best terms with the men in the police station. One of the female officers had even brought him some coffee. Need I say that she was wearing a skirt and had a nice pair of legs?
If only they knew how soon they would be seeing him again…
The following weekend Dangerous Dave invited me to come by his place and help him work on his car.
“And if you happen to pass by a dop-shop, pick us up a couple of six-packs as well,” he added, before he rang off.
Sighing, I put down the book I was reading and got up to get Dangerous Dave’s fix for the morning. I had been enjoying my book, and I knew that I wouldn’t be seeing it again for a while.
Brightening, I hurried outside. It was always worth it.
At the time, Dangerous Dave was living in a huge, neglected mansion on Muckleneuk Hill. It had a beautiful view over Pretoria and we had spent many an evening on the porch, getting trashed and solving the world’s problems. One of the main attractions was the Vodacom Tower built right next to the house, enabling Dangerous Dave to find his way home unerringly, no matter how drunk.
I had to laugh when I got to his house. Dangerous Dave had obviously gotten bored waiting for me to arrive and had decided to do something about it.
The horribly blue Ford Anglia he had partially submerged in the canals the week before was standing on the front lawn, with all the windows and doors tightly shut, and smoke seeping out of little cracks and holes in the body.
I knew it was nothing to panic about, since Dangerous Dave was sitting in the front seat with a huge grin on his face. The rest of his body was invisible, obscured by smoke swirling about him. He was waving happily at me, gesturing for me to come and join him in the car. Even at that distance, I could smell the distinctively sweet aroma of high-grade Swazi Seedless. One of Dangerous Dave’s Rastafarian connections must have left him a little present, which he was thoroughly enjoying.
I doubted we would get much work done on the car that day.
However, I still had to study for a test early the next week, not to mention assignments that were long overdue, so regretfully I had to decline. I opened one of the beers and made myself comfortable beneath one of the trees, waiting for him to finish.
“Hey,” a voice said to me, suddenly. I looked around and there were Janelle and Yolandi, studying me curiously.
“Aren’t you going to join us?”
“No, I still have to go and study.”
“Okay, well, see you later,” they giggled.
Grabbing one of the six-packs, they disappeared into the car.
“Don’t let the smoke out!” Dangerous Dave yelled, anxiously, before the door slammed shut again.
About half an hour later they finally re-emerged. By now totally stoned, none of the three could stop giggling. It was so unfair.
Trust Dangerous Dave to end up with two gorgeous lesbians sharing a house with him.
“Did you check my T-shirt?” Dangerous Dave asked.
I AM A LESBIAN, TRAPPED IN A MAN’S BODY, it stated proudly.
Grinning, he grabbed a beer and opened it with his teeth.
“Listen, are you busy tonight?”
“No, I have to study, but I can always do that tomorrow. Why?”
“ I am going to set a trap tonight. Yolandi and Janelle think somebody is watching them undress at night, and I want to catch the bastard. You up for it?”
Studying Yolandi and Janelle, I couldn’t really blame the bastard, whoever he was. Yolandi was short, blond and curvaceous, while Janelle was tall, dark and smouldering. Hell, I wouldn’t mind watching them undress, either.
“Alright, so what do you want me to do?”
“You have to hang out in my room and make a lot of noise, pretend like we’re both there, while I go hide in their room and wait for the sonovabitch. Cool?”
Why couldn’t I go hide in their room? But I knew there was no use asking.
“Sure,” I said, resigned.
So that night I was in Dangerous Dave’s room, talking to myself like a madman, with The Rolling Stones singing “Hey, hey, you, you, get offa my cloud!” and the tv showing some documentary about mating preying mantises. Meanwhile, the giggles from next door continued uninterrupted. Bastard.
And I didn’t mean the peeping tom.
The next moment, screams and yells came from the girls’ room, followed by the sound of a door slamming open and footsteps pounding down the hall. I rushed to the door and opened it, running outside just in time to collide with Yolandi. Struggling to maintain our balance, we clutched each other wildly. A second later, Janelle smashed into us and we all tumbled to the floor.
I would normally have enjoyed the moment, having had quite a few fantasies about the three of us rolling around like this, but somebody’s knee had connected quite unerringly with my groin and all I could do was clutch myself and whimper softly.
“Are you okay?” Yolandi asked, bending over me with concern on her face.
“I’m fine,” I groaned, feeling like I was going to be sick at any moment.
“Come on!” Janelle shouted, grabbing Yolandi and dragging her to the front door.
I managed to stagger to my feet and follow them, in a haze of nausea and agony.
When I got the porch, all I could see was chaos.
Dangerous Dave had pinned somebody to the ground and was beating the shit out of him, with Janelle jumping up and down, cheering him on and Yolandi trying to pull him off.
Finally, I managed to overcome my pain and stumble down the stairs to help Yolandi pull the still wildly cursing Dangerous Dave off his hapless victim.
“Dave! Dave! Let him go, leave him alone,” I ordered, managing to pull him loose with a superhuman effort. For a moment I thought I was going to be his next victim, but slowly the crazed look left his face and he calmed down.
While he stood there, trying to catch his breath, I bent over the softly moaning figure. It was Todd, the lodger from downstairs.
“What the hell happened?” I asked, straightening up and turning around to face the excited trio of lesbians, two real and one aspiring (and perspiring).
“That was the asshole that was watching us, dammit,” Janelle snapped, furiously glaring at the barely conscious Todd.
“How do you know?” I asked, bewildered.
“Because he was watching us through the cracks in the floor and we caught him!”
“Huh?” Was all I could manage, by now totally confused.
“Let’s go and look,” Yolandi said, turning around to enter Todd’s room.
Todd, as I said, was renting the room downstairs. The house was built on two levels, with stairs going up the entrance to the front door, where Dangerous Dave’s and the girls’ rooms were. Just around the corner from the stairs was Todd’s room, on the ground level.
We entered Todd’s room and stopped, gaping incredulously. In the one wall a hole had been broken through the bricks, exposing an open area just beyond. In the open area a chair was placed, next to a table with a box of tissues and a flashlight upon it.
“See,” Janelle said, turning around to face me. “He was watching us through the floor. We finally caught on when we switched off the light and we saw light coming through the floorboards in our room!”
I had to admit, the evidence was indisputable.
“I need a drink,” Dangerous Dave said, walking out through the door.
I did too. We all did.
Todd still hadn’t moved, so we ignored him and went upstairs. We were still sitting there a few minutes later, drinking beer and animatedly discussing the adventure, when the “Pee-po, pee-po” of approaching sirens alerted us to the fact that our adventure was far from over.
“Did one of you phone the police?” Dangerous Dave enquired, looking at us. We all shrugged with blank expressions on our faces.
As we stood up to go outside, Todd appeared in the doorway, blood still streaming from his broken nose and with one eye nearly swollen shut.
“That’s him, officer!” He pointed wildly at Dangerous Dave. “That’s the animal that attacked me!”
My heart sank into my shoes when I saw that the policeman was one of the officers that had been in the fracas with Dangerous Dave earlier in the week. We all started to talk animatedly together, trying to explain that Dangerous Dave had done nothing wrong, but to no avail.
Before we could blink, Dangerous Dave had been bundled into the back of the police van and whisked off to spend another night in the cell. Todd accompanied them to make a statement. Fortunately for him he didn’t have to join Dangerous Dave in the back of the van, because I don’t think he would have come out of there alive. From the look on Dangerous Dave’s face, even a black mamba would have been better off if it kept its distance.
Hours later, we finally went to bed. Me to Dangerous Dave’s and the girls to theirs. Yeah, life sucks. We were awoken by a commotion in the early morning hours and rushed outside to see what was happening.
A sense of déjà vu overcame me when I saw Dangerous Dave outside, bent over the sobbing Todd, with Todd’s hair clutched in his one fist and his face so close to Todd’s that their noses nearly touched.
“You ever, ever call the cops on me again and I will put you in the hospital,” Dangerous Dave hissed, sparks shooting from his narrowed eyes.
I couldn’t shake off a sense of unreality. Was this really happening? Again?
With a shove, Dangerous Dave let go of Todd’s hair. Todd’s head hit the ground with an audible thump. He didn’t move, though. Just lay there, sniveling, holding his arms over his head.
Dangerous Dave looked up at us, a grin spreading slowly on his face. Then he held open his arms and Janelle and Yolandi ran down the stairs, squealing, to throw themselves into his arms.
That was when I finally realized that Dangerous Dave was not quite like the rest of us. There was something inside him, something indomitable, something primitive that the rest of us had learned to suppress in order to live in a civilized society.
While the rest of us stopped to think about the consequences, Dangerous Dave just acted on his instincts. Fortunately for me, he is my friend.
More that that, he is my hero.
PS:
I hope you liked it! All constructive criticism will be welcomed.
My apologies for the paragraph spacing, something went awry when I copied the story over. I fixed it a little bit, but it's still a bit wonky. If it bothers somebody, lemme know, and I can mail you the original Word document. Cheers!
