Should People Be Swapped Out When They've Served Their Use?

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

Something I've said a few times and I think about occasionally is about people and relationships in general. People tend to say that relationships and family are "magical" and they're here forever. I disagree. I find that people are like parts and are often best replaced when they've gone past their prime years in their interaction with you.

I find often that family, friends, and especially women get too comfortable and feel like they can do things they wouldn't be able to get away with otherwise. People get too lax or get a bad attitude or get resentful and jealous. The things you once liked about them go away as they stop putting their best foot forward and show their true colors or start to act out because they feel you're going nowhere. Like a machine that has gone bad they have outlived their usefulness and need to be discarded.

I know this is controversial to people who feel that you should just "keep people around just because", but I think that's counterproductive if it makes you unhappy or gets in your way. Most just don't like the unknown and don't think they can do any better so they put up with it. In reality you're holding yourself back from something better. One thing I've noticed in life with people who have succeeded is that they pick their acquaintances carefully and get rid of bad ones. You don't want to be dragged down with baggage.

Thoughts?

[JACK-2]

It's not controversial at all. If you're not pulling your weight in a relationship than why should anyone bother with you? Alot of families have shitty behavior which they excuse because "It's family", if someone is giving me a hard time all the time and contributes nothing to my life. I will cut them off period.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

Mar 21, 2016 6:54:14 GMT -5 JACK-2 said:

It's not controversial at all. If you're not pulling your weight in a relationship than why should anyone bother with you? Alot of families have shitty behavior which they excuse because "It's family", if someone is giving me a hard time all the time and contributes nothing to my life. I will cut them off period.

Thanks for the prompt response. I think that's the problem. People feel comfortable and they want "security" part of relationships is that someone will always be around in case you "need them" for something like money or a favor. The problem comes in when people think they deserve special treatment or that they can get away with something just because they know you well.

I'm not just limiting it to family either. I've had to deal with old acquaintances and people I got along with in the past that I don't deal with anymore because I outgrew them. We had different mindsets and wanted different things. What once was a few steps ahead became an abyss and I also didn't like the attitude of people who know you for a long time who think they can say what they want or think you owe them something. Many people I know think it's my job to do everything and spend all of my time and resources calling them and traveling to see them while they just sit back and do nothing. If we went out people always expected me to foot the bill for everything because "I had more money".

It was always an excuse.
"You're a guy.".
"You're younger."
"You're older."
"You have more money."

I just got tired of stuff like this after a while.

[cyclonebreak]

Lol...
If you're trying to get ahead n successful..then logically you have to be around people thats successful too.
The thing is...most of the time..you are around your life partner,and if you care abt them..you will you will invest time n money into them, Ultimately they will hinder you from succeeding.
I think in life...everyone serves a purpose, and its ur responsibility to determine who brings somethin positive to it.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

Mar 21, 2016 8:44:58 GMT -5 cyclonebreak said:

Lol...
If you're trying to get ahead n successful..then logically you have to be around people thats successful too.
The thing is...most of the time..you are around your life partner,and if you care abt them..you will you will invest time n money into them, Ultimately they will hinder you from succeeding.
I think in life...everyone serves a purpose, and its ur responsibility to determine who brings somethin positive to it.

I don't believe in the "life partner" thing. People do generally hang around others like themselves and I think that's what happens. Who you keep around is a reflection of you. Gamers hang around gamers. Workout junkies hang around workout junkies. Drug addicts hang around other addicts. Etc.

People in relationships seek a sort of fulfillment they're not getting with themselves. I would rather get my fulfillment from within and then have my other relationships be icing on the cake but many who stay around are those who are afraid of being alone or need help paying the rent or something similar.

It's no doubt that a wife and children will have an adverse affect on your ability to succeed. I wasn't just talking about money though. I mean mentally as well. Many people can drain you with constant drama and gossiping and then you find yourself bogged down with their problems. I'd also say that person has outlived their use... if you want to get ahead.

If you want to get ahead in life it's hard. Say you want to stop doing drugs and all your friends are drug addicts. They're going to drag you back in the gutter and resent you if you succeed.

If you want to get into shape and your friends are all fat couch potatoes it will be hard there too.

If you want to go far and everyone you know is pregnant at 19 with 2 kids that can also have a negative effect. People often don't want to see your surpass them and will keep you down.

Friends and family are the biggest enemies to success I find. They want things to stay the same and can't accept change.

[misterlc]

What is success?

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

Do you think it's easier to succeed at something with dead weight holding you down? If you run a race with 100 lbs extra on your back would that make it easier to run?

[misterlc]

Dead weight is counter-productive to success. The reality is that people differ in what they consider to be dead weight. That's why I asked that question. Your idea of what success is, is defined by you alone.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

I think it's pretty obvious to tell when you've succeeded and failed at something.

[misterlc]

If a person gets a silver medal in an olympic event he may consider himself a success despite the fact that he failed to receive the gold medal. He may consider himself a failure. Most things aren't as all or nothing as competitive events though. There are many areas where a person can succeed and fail in life. If you are trying to succeed at raising a family for example, failure would casting them aside. If you are trying to succeed at being a bachelor for life, failure would be starting a family. If it's so obvious what success is how come not one person has answered the simple question I asked previously. I obviously wasn't looking for the dictionary definition because that's readily available. I was asking about a personal view of success held by an individual other than myself.

I consider myself a more successful parent because I don't have a cell phone with service. I view that device as dead weight that is a hindrance to my goals. My son and daughter have my undivided attention when we spend time together outside of the house and that has been beneficial to their development. I failed in school but I succeeded in teaching my son to do well for his own benefit. I never allowed him to have a TV in his room so when he's in there he reads. I read to him every night from age three to eleven and that bolstered his interest in reading, an area where he had difficulties. I have never stopped a bedtime story to respond to a text message. I consider that a success but that's just one. My son was proud to let his mother and I know that he received student of the month at his school. I feel I have succeeded in helping my son to succeed in an area where I failed but my work isn't done yet. I have many more things where I still aspire to succeed.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

Mar 27, 2016 20:42:38 GMT -5 misterlc said:

If a person gets a silver medal in an olympic event he may consider himself a success despite the fact that he failed to receive the gold medal. He may consider himself a failure. Most things aren't as all or nothing as competitive events though. There are many areas where a person can succeed and fail in life. If you are trying to succeed at raising a family for example, failure would casting them aside. If you are trying to succeed at being a bachelor for life, failure would be starting a family. If it's so obvious what success is how come not one person has answered the simple question I asked previously. I obviously wasn't looking for the dictionary definition because that's readily available. I was asking about a personal view of success held by an individual other than myself.

I consider myself a more successful parent because I don't have a cell phone with service. I view that device as dead weight that is a hindrance to my goals. My son and daughter have my undivided attention when we spend time together outside of the house and that has been beneficial to their development. I failed in school but I succeeded in teaching my son to do well for his own benefit. I never allowed him to have a TV in his room so when he's in there he reads. I read to him every night from age three to eleven and that bolstered his interest in reading, an area where he had difficulties. I have never stopped a bedtime story to respond to a text message. I consider that a success but that's just one. My son was proud to let his mother and I know that he received student of the month at his school. I feel I have succeeded in helping my son to succeed in an area where I failed but my work isn't done yet. I have many more things where I still aspire to succeed.

You seem to be missing the point. If you're trying to succeed at something, if a person is distracting from that goal, then aren't they dead weight? If you're trying to get into the olympics and the people you hang around are negative about it or try to hinder your training out of resentment or fear, aren't they dead weight?

If you want to lose weight and people want to eat junk food around you, aren't they a hindrance?

If you want to become successful and you hang around losers, aren't they dead weight?

It was a straighfoward question that should have been easy to answer. How do you cast them aside if you want to raise them? That's a voluntary choice. You could fail at raising decent children though I guess. If you don't know if a person failed at something then I don't know what to say. You're not going to win every competitive event but you could get a silver once and a gold later. If you want to move forward you'd want to hang around people who are equal or past where you are, not behind.


A phone is no more dead weight than a television or a computer or video games. If someone can play video games which is entirely non productive then whey can't they have a cell phone and use it responsibly like millions of others? Cell phones are a tool like a car that make you more productive if you choose to. By not having one a person is hindering their productivity and options. I never had a problem getting things done with a phone and for most of us it would be impossible. Someone could still be distracted on a home phone and how many people sit and talk on that for hours? A person could have a car as a distraction too. That comes down to personal discipline. People who generally don't have cell phones make those excuses but I think they are really just stubborn to change. It really does hinder opportunities especially if you plan on being in business.

[misterlc]

You're right, people that hold you back from achieving your goals should be dismissed, and in some instances swapped out. People that you hire for example are easily identified as either productive or not. Some relationships however are not so interchangeable. Family can be the most difficult and specifically the relationship with ones mother. That is a difficult relationship to just erase.

In my eyes all humans are related and thus family so the idea that family members are owed some special treatment doesn't go over well with me. My mother and father however took very good care of me and now that my mother is unwell I cannot just dismiss her because she is more of a bother than she used to be, I'll just add her improved condition to one of the things I want to succeed at accomplishing.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

Mar 28, 2016 7:25:43 GMT -5 misterlc said:

You're right, people that hold you back from achieving your goals should be dismissed, and in some instances swapped out. People that you hire for example are easily identified as either productive or not. Some relationships however are not so interchangeable. Family can be the most difficult and specifically the relationship with ones mother. That is a difficult relationship to just erase.

In my eyes all humans are related and thus family so the idea that family members are owed some special treatment doesn't go over well with me. My mother and father however took very good care of me and now that my mother is unwell I cannot just dismiss her because she is more of a bother than she used to be, I'll just add her improved condition to one of the things I want to succeed at accomplishing.

I don't see that at all really. Relationships are as expendable as you choose to make them. You can't choose family which often makes them the worst offenders because they feel entitled by being related to you. Family is often the worst offender when it comes to this along with friends for this very reason. I've found over the years I've had to cut contact with people who I associated with in the past because I came first and their values were different. Why should someone get special treatment just because they're related to me? Why should the mother get the most special treatment at all? I don't agree with that at all. I think the people who treat me the best deserve the best. Respect is earned.

If my mother or someone continually disrespects me, they get the door. I won't put up with that. If they cared so much they wouldn't treat me badly. I come first in my life and that's because I can control myself.

People are scared to get rid of people like this out of a fear of needing something in the future. They're scared they won't have someone to "depend" on if they need something. This is why having your finances in order is important. That way I'm not forced to be at jobs I hate, or live with people I can't stand to cut costs, or have kids in the hope they'll "take care of me" if I get older, etc.

It gives me freedom. More finances means you can also help with care much easier. I was talking more about disrespect but poor planning is another problem. I have no problem helping people out (reasonably) in need, but people need to also plan for the future. I have many family members who planned poorly and now they're getting older. Am I now obligated to start caring for them at my tab because they spent their money on dumb things or had kids they couldn't afford? If a person needs to be bailed out 99 times and they help me one minor time is it worth keeping them around just for that?

[misterlc]

I think that how a person looks at this depends on their specific set of circumstances and their own personality. I myself don't have any regrets when it comes to helping people out because I gave up being "nice" to people years ago after I learned the difference between kind and "nice". People can't take my kindness for weakness either because I simply won't allow it. I rarely cut people off. If somebody is intentionally trying to take advantage of me or use me in some way they usually dismiss themselves once they become aware of the fact that I won't allow it. I want to help my family and friends but not to their detriment. Giving people freely what they should earn is detrimental to their development so if I really care about them I won't allow them to bypass important life experiences like learning how to deal with the consequences of failure in certain areas.

For example, as much as I love my brother if he were to become displaced, I would allow his children to stay but not him. The reason is because I don't have the capacity at my home to house them all and he should be responsible for what children can't be responsible for. If I could accommodate him, I would only do it for a predetermined time and I'd be adamant about that time because if I am not I truly believe that I do him a disservice. That's my personality though, and I guess I inherited that from my father. He's a very selfless guy, and I can't help but to be proud of him, but I have seen how he's been taken advantage of by some and I've learned from his mishaps.


I guess my main point is that I don't use people like tools so I don't have a need to replace them unless their services are a necessity and they perform those services poorly. Another way of stating that is that a symbiotic relationship with someone who provides a necessary service (customer/employer) won't be ended by myself until it becomes apparent that it has become a parasitic relationship where they intend to hurt me to help themselves.

As far as people being scared to eject people, I wouldn't know much about that. I don't keep people around because I need them as much as I desire people around because I enjoy them. Like I said earlier I view everyone as family so I don't have any fear of not having family members to converse with and enjoy. The idea of having kids so that they can take care of you when you get old seems ridiculous even though I'm sure that somebody has that as their plan. If you need your kids to support you when you get old that suggests that in 40+ years of adult life you failed to set up a way to support yourself until you die.
     
If you couldn't do that, then what are your chances of teaching your kids to be financially capable? I'd surmise that one's chances of doing that are pretty slim. As a parent I intend to provide my kids with as much freedom and opportunity as I can, while at the same time nurturing the growth of self reliance and faith in pursuing their individual dreams. My kids are not here for me, I'm here for my kids and I hope that they can carry on and pass down this outlook on raising a family if that is what they decide to do.


As far as disrespect goes, I've rarely had people who aren't my dad intentionally disrespect me and he's only done it when he's been angry so it's forgiven. If I feel slightly disrespected by someone I'll usually read them to see if the disrespect is intentional and 90% of the time it's not. When I was younger and had first moved to Florida I was expecting more racially charged treatment than what I had experienced in Hampton Roads. A guy I was working with asked me "Are you done with that mopping yet, boy!" I pulled him to the side later and simply explained that I aint down with that "boy" shit.

    This guy was so apologetic that I felt ashamed that it had bothered me at all. He never came back to work after that and he wasn't a mean guy. That's when I stopped looking for disrespect and felt that if there was a true intent to disrespect then it couldn't be confused as something else. Someone who disrespects me intentionally will simply be disrespected in return and I can say that I'm glad that that has not happened often in my life.

   
I do want to add this. I know I'm not perfect and can get upset enough to write harsh things in an internet message but for the most part I make a purposeful effort to be more respectful on the internet than I am in person. The reason that I do this is because I know that nobody can touch me or see me to retaliate against me disrespecting them on the web. So since I know that I feel like I do myself a disservice taking advantage of that "wall of protection" that the internet provides.

      The guy's who call people niggers on youtube and on xbox live won't say it to peoples faces. I simply refuse to follow their example or be too affected by their internet disrespect. That's one of the reasons I didn't leave kmc until I shut the mouths of those whose mouths I wanted to shut. When all they can retort with is "you're stupid!" I know I've won. If somebody else proves their point well then I'll admit it. It's happened once here and the revelation that I was wrong was a good thing. After pondering the feedback from the "whose responsibility is it?" thread I realized that I was wrong in thinking that people had inherent responsibilities. In actuality an individual decides what their responsibilities are, nobody else can obligate them to do anything.

    Now what I had cut off communication with C master because I felt disrespected by some of the more abrasive things that were stated? I feel as though the only thing I would have accomplished by doing that would be hampering my own development. I have no intention of kissing anyone's ass but I do feel that C master is a pretty smart guy otherwise I wouldn't still be here. I would have done just like he stated in this thread that you should do when someone is totally useless. No sense beating a dead horse or dragging it to the race track. Bury it and move on.

With that being said though the runner that practices with extra weight strapped on may have an advantage over the one that won't do that. Sometimes putting forth extra effort for people that can't return that favor can make you stronger overall.

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

People on gaming sites are trolls. There's nothing wrong with being nice but people often take far more than they produce of use. We all have others around for our own benefit to some extent. You associate with people who share your hobbies and interests. You talk to women who give you pleasure, etc. Nobody says it directly but we do it that way. We want to make lives as best for ourselves as possible. Many have a guilt factor and don't want to be kicked out of a group which makes them put up with far more than they should.

You get yourself "in shape" with people who are at your level or ahead of you who push you in the right direction. Hanging around losers or people who are detrimental is like poisoning yourself. Part of growth is picking the right people and knowing which people you have outgrown. People change and grow apart. It's definitely a part of life. Especially a growing one.

[misterlc]

Well said!

[The Big Daddy C-Master]

Damn straight!